By Patt Saso
Well, this summer we’ve reached a new milestone in the Saso family.
After a few years of being empty nesters we now have a full house again. Our sons moved back home, first one then the other. Then in June, after our youngest graduated from UC Santa Barbara, she returned.
Times are changing.
It is much harder for young adult kids to make it on their own. At least this is true in Silicon Valley.
Our boys tried. But the cost of rent and living expenses made it hard. They tell us they are moving home to save for the future and want to get out ASAP.
To help them out with this goal we are charging rent. It is like a forced savings. They don’t know this, of course, so please don’t tell our secret. They are upset with our decision.
Real parents would never do this!
Well, I’m for real. And life isn’t fair! Rent is due on the 1st.
It is very different with adult kids at home than teenagers, yet some things remain the same.
Complaints about their expectations of us and their sleep schedules haven’t changed. My boys are nocturnal, like night owls, but I no longer feel obligated to get them on a normal sleep cycle nor to get them up on time. And as long as I don’t hear them in the wee hours I’m okay. So far so good.
We had to adjust to household chores.
It took some time to work out this new community living arrangement. At first the kids thought since they were paying rent they shouldn’t have to help out.
Why do chores when you are already taking our money!
Then move to Motel 6. They’ll even leave the light on for you.
I have to say, our middle son is becoming quite the gardener. He definitely inherited the Saso genes. Our gardens are beautiful thanks to Paul. We may be the second generation of Sasos to get garden photos in Sunset Magazine!
There have been some positive unexpected changes.
I could never have planned this, but there is healing happening between parents and children.
We have had real conversations about past hurts. It is hard and painful to hear about my parenting crimes from my son. But the dialogue has gone both ways and what has been birthed is a whole new healthy relationship. Respectful and considerate.
I enjoy having my kids around now.
When they were all in high school I hated being a parent. I wanted them all to go off to college far-far away. I was even willing to pay!
But times are different now. I have grown. I have been more honest with myself about how I placed my agenda on my kids, even when they didn’t want me to. It has become clear as a Colorado blue sky my part in all our conflict. I was blinded by that a few years back.
I do have one serious complaint, though.
Why can’t three young adults in their early twenties, EVER get a new role of toilet paper back on the holder?
